Illusion

Have you ever noticed when you are looking at cars, you suddenly see the model your looking at everywhere? What if life is like that.

What if you go through life thinking all you see is what you think you see.

For instance. People who think their life is cursed, or that things will go wrong, live a seemingly cursed life where everything goes wrong.

People who think they are lucky at contests, always seem to win, and so on and so on.

Life is what you see and what you take from it. Horrible things can happen, but it’s how you chose to go on that determines how the rest of your life proceeds.

I know someone who lost half their foot to type 2 diabetes and wishes they had died. And I know someone else who lost their entire leg to a childhood illness and finds joy in knowing he’s one of the few to survive his illness.

Life will deal you blows, but if you choose to be a victim, you will be.

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Learn to work to live

A friend of mine who came back from Egypt told me one of their guides said a truly life altering thing to her. He told her Americans live to eat, and that Egyptians eat to live. She said it really hit home with her. I agree. But want to take it a step further.

I have realized that Americans seem to think more is better. I mean, it’s not a new realization, but a true one, across all boards.

We seem to have gone so far from our Puritan roots of strict discipline and moderation to the other end of the spectrum that is, more more more.

We allow exercise, food, tv, and work to rule us. We enslave ourselves to the bills and the newest shiner thing. We alternate between binging on fast food, and eating so clean that we have created a new eating disorder.

We are obsessive and it seems to be getting worse the more out of control our lives become. We mistake this obsessing with control, when in fact, it makes us less in control.

We need to go back to the time where we sat down to have a cup of coffee. When we had our neighbors over and we didn’t use “I’m too busy” as our daily mantra.

I have had friends who’s house I could see from pretty much any room in my house, who I only saw at PTA functions or baseball games. We’d chit chat about the latest fad diet they were on, or the kids French classes, jumbo classes and voice class but when I’d extend a coffee date invite, their mantra would come flying out.

We are so busy avoiding feeling like we have no control, that we book ourselves to the brim. And honestly? Who are we doing this for? How does being overbooked and under rested give us control? The kids seem miserable, the parents are disconnected and everyone is exhausted.

I consider myself lucky. I was raised by two parents who, while very supportive of me, refused to allow my activities to dominate their lives.

Being a fairly normal, grounded person because of this (I assume), I have adopted this strategy. (Also, I have a personality defect that doesn’t allow me to be told what to do, PTA president, I am not……).

I help when I can, but I refuse to be my kids taxi. I don’t want my kids to be booked solid. I truly want them to be bored out of their minds. Because with boredom, comes creativity. And with time comes the ability to create.

When I find myself too busy to blog or color or walk outside, I also notice now stagnant my life is.

While the 50 hour a week paycheck is great, I don’t feel great and my life reflects that.

As Americans we need to stop working/doing so much and start working/doing smarter.

Make sure your kids know you value them, but that your relationship with your spouse is important so that when they are older, they avoid the heartbreak of divorce. Show them that it’s fine to have dessert and that it’s fine to exercise. But teach them moderation.

And please, for the love of god, do not teach them to count calories. Teach them what our grandparents knew. What a balanced meal looks like and what it feels like to be pleasantly full.

Teach them to listen to their bodies. That what’s right for them may seem weird to others. This will teach them tolerance for others. This will help them realize it’s ok to be weird, and to embrace that, instead of letting it marginalize them.

Let’s be the generation who looks back and picks the very best parts of the generations before us, rather than going further down the spectrum to be different from our ancestors.

Get out of your way

I often stress about stressing. I worry that I’m holding on to ideas too tightly, and that that is going to disrupt the flow of what the Universe is sending me.

I’m a control freak.

So now, I’m going to stop stressing and realize it will be ok. I’ve never worried myself in to a better place or position. In fact, things go best, when I’m not stressing and micro managing.

So I’m gonna get out of my way, and let clarity come to me and be grateful for whatever may come.

One step at a time

I keep getting the message that I need to start my own business. The problem is I have like 7 ideas for what to do. I mean, even if you read all my blogs, “scattered” would be the niche I’ve seemed to fill. While that may make me relatable, it doesn’t help me pinpoint a revenue stream and business plan.

So when I saw this meme, it kind of clicked.

I’m going to stick with the job I have to learn all the accounting required to run a business. I’m going to research companies that are in the areas that interest me and see if I can handle the down sides of them.

Then I’m going to maybe try to incorporate these varied interests where I can.

But most importantly, I’m going to sit back and see what comes to me. What paths suddenly appear. Relax my obsessive thinking and let ideas and people float in to my life. Say yes to everything and then see where it gets me.

Be a good friend, to yourself.

I don’t know about you, but if anyone talked to my friends or family the way I talk to myself, I’d be in fights all the time.

If a friend repeated to me the things I say to myself, I’d be appalled. So why is it ok for me to say it to me?

I’m RIDICULOUSLY hard on myself. And in turn, other people have been unfairly harsh with me. After all, we show people what we accept.

I’ve realized that when they are the harshest, is when I’m at my lowest. If I’m having a bad week, you can be sure someone is going to unload on me. Why? Because they are reflecting back the abuse I’m filing out to myself.

Inevitably they apologize or make it up. But only after I’ve fretted and energy cleared the crap out of myself. It’s like a spiritual flogging I put myself through.

You’re not always right…

This picture is either a really fun fair with beautiful lights and good memories and fun people. Or it’s the creepy setting of a horror film, with pedophiles all over the place. It all depends on how you choose to see it.

I realized today that I was looking at a situation all wrong. I was putting myself as the victim when in reality, the person creating the situation would never ever intentionally hurt me.

So I asked him, to please explain to me his side. That I am not worried about cheating, I’m not worried about money. And I truly realize he’s not trying to hurt me. But I needed to hear his side of the story because my inner voice wouldn’t shut up on its version.

Honestly, it helped a ton. So maybe the next time you feel like the victim, ask for the other persons perspective, and truly be open to listening to it.

But does it feel GOOD?

You can do all the vibrational heavy lifting you want. You can exercise until you puke and you can eat nothing but egg whites for a month, and still feel like crap. Conversely, you can sit and binge watch trash TV, eat garbage and dwell on the bad… and feel like crap. Like with everything, the key to health is balance.

I notice that when I get paranoid or things aren’t going right I swing one way or the other. In reality, I need to be in the middle of the spiritual/exercise spectrum.

The problem with realizing this, is “middle” is a relative term.

So instead of thinking of life as a spectrum. Think about this instead. What feels good? What is your body craving?

When I decided to actually listen to my body and soul, I realized it required less time doing excessive whatever, and reaped many more rewards.

So if you are doing everything right, and not loving the process and seeing less than stellar results, step back and see if there are things you can tweak and LOVE your spiritual and physical work outs.

Mysteries

I keep getting the message that I don’t have all the answers I need to make a decision. That they will come, but that I need to be aware I don’t know everything.

It’s driving me insane, lol.

I feel like my dog looking in on the cat in the picture above. He wants in, but doesn’t have all the tools to get there. (Opposable thumbs are an amazing things)

Today I’m going to follow a few leads on ideas I’ve been having to increase my passive income streams. I’m going to EFT tap, and I’m going to relax.

Where you look, your heart will follow…

“Where you look, your heart will follow”. This is the most epic advice I ever heard from a yoga instructor. It is totally and completely true.

Going through life, focusing on what sucks will just bring more of the same. If you don’t like something don’t do it, or at the very least don’t dwell on it.

I’m not saying quit your job and leave your spouse. I’m saying if there is something in your life and you don’t like it, stop doing it.

Fighting with your SO? Try to get to the root of the problem and fix it. I’m in no way minimizing relationship issues, but don’t think that quitting is the answer. Read “5 languages of Love”, see a therapist, meditate. But in the end, truly try to see what you love in them. (Also not saying stay with everyone you go on a date with.)

In your job, if you don’t love it, but need the income, focus on what you like until either you like it, or you find something more aligned with you.

In the end, focus on the good, and if you can’t do that right off the start, fake it till you make it.

At the VERY least, you won’t be so down.

**as a side note. Do notice if there is a theme to your dissatisfaction. It could be that life is showing you an emotional wound that you need to heal. There are apps that connect you with therapists if going to one is too hard or if your insurance doesn’t cover it. This advice is not meant to help you gloss over issues.

Gossip

Does anyone else have a total aversion to gossip? As soon as I hear someone use names and specific details of someone’s life I suddenly want to be as far away as possible.

Now I’m not talking about going to a trusted person and discussing (without identifying details) a problem or frustration you have in a relationship/friendship. I think those talks can give great perspective. I have an out of town friend I do this with, but leave out names for privacy.

I’m talking about when you have something happen in life and people tell you, “yeah… Jan and I talked about this before you did that and totally agreed you were making a bad decision” or “I just found Patty’s husband on Plenty of Fish, Leslie, Monica and my mom think I should tell her, what do you think?”

Why do we do this?

In my life gossip has caused so much damage it’s not even funny. And in all cases the gossip was speculation and exaggeration. You can’t defend yourself from something that didn’t happen in the minds of people who gossip either.

Even with my aversion, I do catch myself edging in to gossip when my sister calls and starts talking about things. Or when my friend texts me about the newest drama.

But I am working on those stories dying with me, and not encouraging speculation or details to be disseminated. I ask the person how they got the info, are they sure is true, and how many people they have told. My plan is to make them think about what they are doing versus mindless speaking.