When did Crazy become Normal?
This blog used to state all the ways my ex wronged me, and how no one saw through his charm, and they blamed me as negative and blowing things out of proportion. I realized this story was a way of keeping me in the victim role. Yes, I had to write it. I needed to see it all on paper. But why hold on to it? Why let that be the official story? So I deleted it all. It’s no longer the official story of my divorce.
What I learned is that I stick my head in the sand at the first sign of confrontation. Self empowerment was something I could rally behind for others. I was everyone else’s biggest fan. I was codependent.
I still am all these things, and that’s ok. It’s what makes me, me. There is nothing wrong with any of it. What is wrong is when I allow myself to become the victim in other people’s stories. The abused martyr.
I knew I was sticking my head in the sand, I knew bad things were happening, and I knew I should stop them. That’s on me. I didn’t stop or speak up about any of it. I let it happen. Knowing that is owed.
I take responsibility for my inaction in every aspect of the demise of my marriage. I take responsibility for not protecting myself in the divorce, because all I had to do was ask for help, it would have been given.
Since getting out, I have been shown an unlimited amount of love and support. I’ve been asked how someone like me could have allowed all that to happen, and I blamed the ex for being a bad person. I now want to change my answer to “I tried and tried and tried till I couldn’t, and then I tried again. Yes, I made mistakes, but every single one led me to where I am now, and this is an awesome place to be.”
I encourage you to do the same thing. Take a look at your story and rewrite it in a way where you love where you are, and where you acknowledge every lesson and other as leading to this amazing space you are now inhabiting.
Take the mask off your monster, pull back that curtain and be the badass you know you are. That miserable, cowering thing can’t hurt you. And is likely just reacting from massive damage they’ve encountered in their life. Be happy you don’t have to live in their space.