Money

I’m doing The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.  We are on week 6, money.  Until I started this chapter I thought I had healthy views on money.  I thought working hard would result in compensation.  What shocked the crap out of me was the hidden ideas I had, the ones I held in my subconscious.

Doing the exercises made me realize that I equate money with unhappiness, and greed and unauthentic people.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think wealthy people are like this, or at least not all of them.  I just equate having money myself with all that.  Why do you ask?  Because that’s what I’ve been shown in my life.

I had to either be in control of the money and fight constantly with my ex, or give up control and have a peaceful life.. Granted that peaceful life cost me financially…. and I ended up losing the marriage also… thank God.

Years of this kind of conditioning left a mark on my subconscious.  No wonder no amount of feung shui, or OT or praying lead to the situation easing.  I subconsciously pushed away money and opportunities to make more.

I have just made this realization, and am working through journaling to get rid of this mark that’s undoubtedly holding me back.

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