Sharing Sucks

I’m in a funk today.  My ex sprang an impromptu vacation on me which means instead of the normal weekend of not seeing my kids, it’s now extended another 3 days.  I’m used to seeing them 5-6 days a week so it’s killing me.

He didn’t have notice, so he’s not doing anything wrong…. Trust me, I’ve tried to make this his fault and make him a villain….he’s just spending time with the kids and that’s ok.  I passed sharing in kindergarten… I’m an oldest child… Doesn’t mean I like it.

I know I can use this as “me” time” but I miss them.

It’s funny because people who have never divorced think that the me time would be amazing.  That I should be glad I got out.  Fact is, I am very happy with where my life is now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mourn what I thought my life would be…

I have come to the realization that “that” life never would have been a reality.  My ex never would have allowed us to live a drama free life. I’ve come to realize the vast majority of our problems were carefully orchestrated by him.

But sometimes I mourn that I will have to deal with him and his family for the rest of my life, and that I can’t protect my kids. I revel in the knowledge that my kids have two examples of lives they can choose to imitate.

But today I’m sad and that’s ok.  That’s why  going to sit on my couch with my cat and dog and watch trashy tv and not be productive.

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