Force vs Flow


Have you ever worked so hard for something, beat all the odds, only to lose it?  Have you ever thought of something you’d like, almost as if the thought came from your soul, only to have it come easily?  This is the difference between Force and Flow.

When you are constantly coming up against obsitcle after obstacle it could be that the universe is trying to direct you towards something better.  That YOUR goal isn’t what’s best for you.  When life feels really really hard, take a step back and ask “why”.  

My first marriage was just one debacle after another.  It got to the point I was afraid to be happy, because I knew it would be followed by dispare.  

I had a friend that would constantly say “it really shouldn’t be this hard”.  In the mindset I was in, I thought she was lazy and frivolous.  

As usual when ignoring the signs, the universe took a spectacular angle in forcing me to listen.  My marriage exploded, my life fell apart and I was left with nothing to force.  And then I realized my lesson.

Life isn’t meant to be forced.  Time and time again nature has shown us that man made things are temporary, but natural things last. It is the same in life.

I had forced my marriage to work and appear happy.  When the split happen, most people were dumbfounded.  Fast forward 3 years and nothing is the same. (Except my kids, they rock).  

I was so beaten down, I didn’t have any fight left, and that’s when miracles started happening.  Everything started aligning.  People started showing up.  Interest rates suddenly dropped.  

I put an offer on a house the DAY I was eligible from my foreclosure 3 years to the DAY earlier.  I met the love of my life online the weekend I joined and the last weekend his account was active.  

If you are feeling discouraged, like you’ve lost your Midas touch… it’s likely you are pushing too much.  Take a step back and let the universe take the wheel.  

I’m not saying you won’t have to do the leg work, but listen to the urges that guide you.  Even if they seem crazy… listen.  If you are afraid, that’s your ego, if you just KNOW, that’s the universe.  Listen, live, FLOW.

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Blah blah blah


That’s what my inner self is saying right now. It’s causing major moodiness and easy irritation.  Why?  Because it’s annoyed at the new story I’m trying to write.

Your subconscious mind isn’t unlike the friend who just wants to complain and not take any of your advice.  In fact, it’s exactly like that friend.  So how you deal with it should be the same.  

Clearly, you can’t just divorce it and move to another state.  I mean you can try, but it will likely stalk any way.  Kinda like that ex you can’t get rid of.

Instead you need to practice compassion and empathy.  And strengthen your boundaries.  

When you feel that mood coming on, say, “hey, I hear you, but we aren’t going to focus on that” then find 3 positives. 

Keep that “friend” in check, and don’t let it rain on your parade.  It will take time, but it will come around.  

I like to think the severity in mood shows how far I’ve actually come from my lowest.  I used to live in that place.  So instead of getting down that it’s a set back, see it for the mood it is, feed it a healthy breakfast and give it a pep talk.  

Sources

I’m creating this blog to help compile all the modalities and books and resources that have helped me so much.  Please feel free to add your suggestions!  Let’s make this a virtual library of awesomeness!

Tao of Dana.  Find her on Facebook, she’s amazing.  Every blog she writes, camp she does everything.  Just do it!

The Universe has Your Back.  Gabriel Bernstein.  So uplifting

EFT tapping videos by Brad Yates.  I’ve tried others, but his feel the most authentic because he deals with beliefs and feelings, he’s not trying to manifest you a Porsche 

Pam Grouts e squared, e cubed and Thank and Grow Rich. So much fun

Bruce Liptons the Biology of Belief.  He breaks it down to a cellular level just how important our beliefs are to us

Doreen Virtue.  I liked her on Facebook and her videos and blogs are so uplifting and remind you to be happy and that you are loved.  Great reminders we all need every day.

$$$$$$$$

Ever feel like there are weeks where you can’t catch a break?  Bill after Bill shows up unexpectedly and suddenly that big OT check you were going to have fun with is eaten up by your daughters X-ray and son’s wart removal?  I’m having one of those weeks.

Everything is hitting all at once.  Instead of getting down about it.  I’m choosing to thank the universe for allowing me the abundance to pay those bills.  That I’m in a position where I really don’t need anything, so that money I was going to put towards savings and the credit card bill can go toward these things.  

I refuse to think a negative thought about it.  I’m seeing it as a test of my new resolve to stamp out the lack mentality I’ve held for so long.   The mentality that played havoc with my life for years. 

Yeah my balance on my credit card is higher than I’d like, but my 401k balance is also higher than I expected.  So it evens out.  

I’m thankful I have kids who keep my life full and my bank account low.  I’m thankful I’m not materialistic.  And I’m thankful I can use these bills as a way of showing my kids how to adjust budgets.  

The Illusion of Control

I just realized that if I treated my fiancé the way I treat money, he would run screaming from the controlling, abusive woman he thought was charming.

I fret over money more than anything else.  I want things split evenly.  I want budgets and guidelines and prospective numbers.  I pretend to show gratitude when checking my bank account, daily, but really I’m basically checking my significant others texts on their phone.  

From here forward, I’m not going to track every penny I spend, vs what my fiancé contributes.  I’m not going to worry about how much is in my savings, 401k, and checking.  I’m going to do basic bookkeeping, but without the controlling aspect.  

I’m not going to divide how much I spend per kid.  Nor am I going to worry about the treat my youngest wants.  I’m going to live.

When we used to all keep checkbooks we had a much healthier relationship with our money.  We knew what was coming in, what was going out and if checks had cleared.  Now everything is so fast paced that we check our bank accounts 4x a day.  Worry about whether we figured in an auto pay or if our bill was too high.

We need to take a step back, take away as many auto pays as we can, and streamline our bill paying.  All these imaginary hands grabbing out of our accounts doesn’t make OUR lives simpler.  It makes us neurotic.  

I recently took an online course about all the dangers of banking online.  And honestly, it scared me and made me even more controlling over my money.  

What you resist, persists.  What you focus on, grows.  If you continually order bad things from the universe, that’s what it delivers.  Like the McDonalds drivethru.. you (usually) get exactly what you order. 

So if we are keeping a choke hold on our accounts, constantly anticipating bad, we are opening ourselves to more cyber attacks, more invisible hands reaching in and taking, and more neurosis centered around lack. 
Set one day a week to pay bills.  Make it a peaceful time of day, and be grateful you can pay them.  Look over the bill to make sure they are accurate and pay them with gratitude.  

Eliminate as many auto deductions as possible.  Opt for online bill pay instead, where you initiate the payment.  This will keep you in charge, without making you feel like you need to micro manage. 

And in the end, stop stressing.  Good things happen, so do bad.  But focusing on how to keep one step in front of the bad only detracts from the good.  Live in the present with the full knowledge that you can weather any storm.  That people will help you, and that the universe loves you. 

Your Map


I’ve often told my fiancé that I wished we had met each other sooner, but that we had had three one night stands with our ex’s (so we’d still have our kids).  In reality, I wouldn’t change one thing in my life.  

Where I am right now is a direct relation to what I’ve been through.  Had I not experienced my previous marriage, I wouldn’t appreciate the wonderfully boring life I have now.  

If I hadn’t experienced what codependency felt like, I wouldn’t be so deliriously happy with the healthy individuality we have now.  

Any change in the past, anything that I’d wished to go right, had it gone right, would likely have blocked me from being where I am now.

I’m learning about affirmations and the law of attraction.  It’s important that you speak in the present, give the universe permission to guide you, and not be locked into the how’s.  Be specific, with room for creative license, if you will. 

I’m believing more and more everyday that my forceful planning blocks and slows the even better life source has in store for me.  

If you feel like life is too hard right now.  Like “life sucks”…. let go.  Tell the universe that you are handing it over to it to guide you. Then shut up and listen.  You will be amazed what you hear.  

Once you recognize the voice, always listen.  Because the universe is beyond good, and will always bring you better than you could have imagined. 

Stay Positive


I have been tweaker reading all sorts of manifesting material.  The main threads I’ve gotten are:

1) stay positive

2) keep your vibes high

3) ask for help (the universe can’t just intervene due to the laws of free will)

4) always end an intention with “this or something better” as we can be very limiting 

5) tell the universe to ignore your negative, low vibe grumblings.  Mine are in the morning when I’m hungry and tired.  I’ve instructed the universe it is not allowed to listen to me at these times… 

and most of all, laugh.  The universe has an hilarious sense of humor.  And it likes someone who appreciates it’s goofs.  

Beep beep!!! Don’t let negativity touch you

I hope few people can relate to this, but I bet there’s more than I think. 

I have someone in my life who delights in making my life hard and keeping me off balance.  They do things that, when I tell others, the others are baffled as to why anyone would go to those lengths just to hurt me.  

This person is a Narcassist.  Full bore.  They have no ability to feel remorse, feel fully entitled to the venom they spew.  And take no responsibility for the negative reactions they get.  Often they blame me for others disliking them. 

Why am I being so vague?  Because The Who and Hows aren’t important any longer.  If I give details, I give them power over me. So… here’s what I’ve figured out.

1) negative energy = weak energy.  So why worry about it?  As long as I remain positive and happy, they are essentially the Wiley Coyote to my road runner.

2) their karma is their problem.  By rehashing what have happened over and over just keeps me stuck in that thought loop and that karma tainting my view

3) love them anyway.  I have to feel sorry for the person they have become.  They are this way because they are in pain and haven’t found the spiritual path I found. 

4) when this person or any others decides to turn on their crazy, I’m going to picture the roadrunner.  Or maybe even a crazy interpretive dancer in a nude Leo.  Either way…. they can’t hurt me with their ridiculous antics.  

Journaling 101

I recently re read all my journal entries for the past few months. Two things popped out. 1) I used them to vent way more than I used them to say what I was grateful for 2) I obsessed about how to make my blog go viral immediately.

Once I re read them, I took out the good points, and threw them away.  Yep.  Tossed them.  Why?  Because they are mostly garbage. Venting and worrying about things I can’t control.

BUT the two points I picked out are gold.  And I took those into my new journal.  My new journal of gratitude.

I realized it doesn’t matter if I go viral.  Just write.  It makes me happy, clears my head.  And if it helps just one person see things differently, then AWESOME!  That cleared a lot for me.  

And I started my gratitude journal, because like in Monsters Inc, positivity creates so much more energy than negativity.  I realized the only way my “negative” vents worked for me was when I used them to ask what my lesson was.  

Bad things happen.  But they are lessons. If you can’t see it immediately, grab some paper and state the issue, without bias, and ask “what should I take from this”.  Then let your subconscious write.

You will find the words flow.  It may take a minute to get the flow started. Just free write whatever is being said in your head, and then you’ll feel the dam break open.  That’s where the break throughs happen.  

If you have a bad day and spend 3 pages just puking up garbage, that’s ok, but at the end, ask what your lesson was.  You’ll be glad you did.

It really should be easy.

When I started dating I had a friend who updated me on all the things I needed to improve, since I had been off the market for soooo long.  I tried her way for a couple weeks, but seriously?!  I hate lipstick.  I feel dumb dressed up, and I glued my eyelids together attempting fake eyelashes. 

As I texted my condolences for skipping our night, because I wasn’t about to wear a patch, I realized…. Who am I doing this for?!  I don’t want to have to get up at 3 am to make sure I have my hair and make up done before my man wakes.  I also don’t want a man who cares if I’m wearing lipstick.  Nothing against the girly girls who love that shit, or the men who want a woman who’s put together… But that’s not me.

As soon as I stopped, I fell into the love of my life.  The man with whom everything is easy.  The only time I get mad is when I live in my thought loops, and as soon as I talk to him I realize I’m a hot mess, making up issues… And should probably buy some tampons and chocolate at the store. 

I also realized when I stopped trying, things and people showed up easily.  It was crazy!  I was able to see all the abundance that the universe was sending, and not because beither eye was glued shut.  It was just obvious!

Look at yourself, do you love all the effort you are putting in?  If so, AWESOME.  If not, stop and do what makes you happy.  That way you’ll never have to worry if those around you truly love you or not.