Relationship Goals, with your subconscious. 

I’m sitting in a detox bath listening to a guided Kundalini meditation relaxing all the negative thoughts I’ve had recently. I’ve been going through a lot of energy clearing and a massive life detox for the past couple years.

In this time I’ve divorced the man I was with for half my life, the father of my 3 kids. The person I thought was my other half.  

I’ve lost my mother to cancer a horrible disease.  Her death brought me to my knees,and helped me see everything clearly. 

Within two months of her death, 7 months after my separation/divorce, I met my fiancé.  He held me together while I rebuilt my life from a bedrock foundation.  He has shown me my weaknesses and helped me strengthen them.

Since meeting him everything has fallen in to place easily.  I’ve had urges I couldn’t ignore that led me to a house I didn’t think I could buy and the knowledge that all I needed was faith to make it happen.  

This all happened in such quick succession that I didn’t have a chance to think.  My soul called for it and the universe delivered. Now I need a job that doesn’t make me want to cry on the daily.

I have a clear “if I try, I fail” mentality that I am having a hard time shedding.  I know it’s that I’m focusing on it too intensely.  I’m grasping tightly.  And I can’t seem to let go.

In my quest to let this burden smash to the ground, where it belongs, I’ve come across many lessons.  Mostly that I make up for this mentality by impulse buys.  Buy allowing my kids to think I don’t need help.  By allowing my ex to bully me in to doing tasks I really shouldn’t have to, while he skirts stuff he should.  But this isn’t about him.

This is about me covering my “if I try, I fail” mentality with the facade that I can do it all, alone.  His bully tactics have FORCED me to reach out to my loved ones for help.  And guess what, I got it.  

I’ve been forced to see my impulse spending for what it is, and since doing that, I no longer “want”.  

So now it’s time to let go of that stagnant mentality.  I can’t even remember the last time I failed.  I’ve learned many things, but I haven’t ever failed.  

So as I finish my guided meditation, listening to my fiancé cheer on the Seahawks, I will use the mantra, “if I try, I succeed, when I try, I learn”.


5 thoughts on “Relationship Goals, with your subconscious. ”

  1. Wow, you certainly have been through quite a lot in the past few years. But I’m happy you found the love and support you need to move forward. I’m sorry you have such a terrible ex to raise children with. I hope they grow up soon!

    1. You and me both. I choose to see him as a masters class in difficult people for my kids. My daughter is no longer scared and gets what she wants. I had a sheltered childhood, so I take comfort in knowing they know what not to do. That’s the theory I’m sticking with anyway.

      1. Yes I suppose that’s one way of looking at it. My mom went through a similar life as you. Divorced the man she was with for half her life, and then met the man of her dreams shortly afterwards. My biological father is a psychopath and tried to bully her as well. I learned a lot watching all this go on. I hope your daughter learns as well, but I hope she sees hope for love in your new relationship.

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