Tears are a great form of detox

I have had a rough couple weeks.  Balling at work.  Not a tear prettily running down my cheek…. oh no…. hiccup crying…. ugly crying.  Why?  Because my boss is an asshole.

Now I love this man as a person.  I love the vision and am proud of what he’s done.  I’m proud of the charitable acts he’s done.  But when it comes to his employees…. he sucks.  

I asked for a raise.  Told me he couldn’t afford it, then hired someone to do some of my job at double my salary.  Not even the hard parts.  That person was a man…..  granted he’s now been fired… but that’s not the point.

I’ve realized that I accept “gifts” from the universe openly on things my mom used to help me with.  Relationships, real estate… friends.  But she never helped me with jobs.  Other than to tell my my dream jobs wouldn’t make much, she never asked a friend to help, never told me to go after my dreams, pushed me to get a job that got me off her balance sheet, regardless of how shitty the job was.

Now, I’m not blaming her.  From that, I learned to hustle and work my ass off. I didn’t feel entitled to promotions, or good jobs.  That shit was EARNED!!! But, it made me a people pleaser.  Which people like my boss take advantage off.

I’ve come to realize that I block help when itt comes to my career, and I’ve taken steps to stop that.  I’ve asked for referrals, I’ve used people as references and I have a second interview that is very promising.  I’m making progress.

But now that my eyes are open, I can’t handle this shit at work.  I can’t tolerate it anymore.  I’ve kept a stiff upper lip too long and the facade is cracking.  It may be too late, because now I seem insane.  But what the hell. Anything is better than having to meditate just to force yourself out of your car.


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