Divorce

I spent the first 4 months after my divorce crying uncontrollably at timehop.  Every pic brought back painful memories.  Luckily, my ex decided to become a colossal asshat and brought my memories back into reality. 

I’m not saying that I don’t feel bad that it didn’t work. My divorce will always be my biggest failure.  But from failure comes success. I learned where my faults were and what I needed to do to be better.  It forced me to take a long hard look at me, and gave me a blank slate on which to rebuild.  

Now, 3 years out, I absolutely love where I am.  

I realized yesterday that I’m able to look at my ex’s girlfriends and see good things, where as in the past I wanted to be better than them.  I can look at my ex and truly want him to find peace.  

Bitterness holds you and only you back from being happy.  Blaming the ex for ruining your life does nothing but keep you from growing.  Recognize your own faults.  And fix them.  Placing blame, no matter how satisfying, changes nothing.  

Clear the clutter of blame and unhappiness from your life.  Look at the blank piece of earth that’s left after all the weeds are gone, and plant something you love. 

Realization


I took a step back from all the spiritual stuff I was doing.  I felt that I was starting to take on too much and was missing the big picture.  Since stepping back, I’ve kept notes and realized a lot.

Writing these daily blogs seemed to help the most of everything I was doing.  When I stopped writing, everything else seemed to sort of slow down as well.

The mantras and prayer beads seemed to make me feel more crazy than spiritual.  Meditating though gives me lessons quickly and clearly.  

I’ve learned that my love vs money block is really more of “I don’t need no man” block, from an ancestor.  That I can make it all on my own and need no one else’s help.  This clearly blocks any sort of receiving.  

I’m letting this all go and am going to try to get back to daily writing.  Organizing the realizations that come to me.

Surrender/believe


I don’t know about you, but sometimes I’m guilty of overdoing it.  If life isn’t going the way I think, I pray, sage, meditate, do yoga, run and walk and drink water.  If some is good, more is better. Right?

Well, sure…. to a point.  It’s good to meditate and exercise regularly, but if you find yourself cutting out things you enjoy to make sure you cover every possible modality to improve your luck, you may be over doing it.  And worse, you are so focused on the “bad luck” you probably aren’t getting the most out of them.

It took me a bit, but I realized why work was bothering me so much.  I kept complaining about how much work we were doing on collections, without giving any time for checks to actually be mailed and clean up credits to be done.  There was so much emphasis on doing, that it created more work and rework.  

This was mirrored in my life in my frantic practice of sprituality.  Sounds ridiculous right?  Yet that’s exactly what was happening.  It started out innocently.  Donating, cleaning, researching.  But then it morphed in to an obsession.  I’d wake in the middle of the night realizing I’d forgotten to tap, or throw out the bowl of salt I’d left out to a absorb negativity.  

Guess what?  I was driving myself insane. I became more and more grumpy.  More frustrated when things didn’t go my way or how I had prayed.  

It came to me recently in a discussion with a group member.  I need to surrender.  It was then I realized… surrendering to the universe is similar to the message I have been receiving, which is “believe”.  I need to believe in me, that people want to help, and that everything will happen in time. 

I’ve done the leg work.  Now it’s time to do up keep, but mostly, enjoy the clarity that has come with all the spiritual and energy work.  Over doing spirituality is the same as under doing it.  It takes your focus out of the present moment. 

Believe, breathe and be.

Bullys

I just watched this video by Kristen Kusmic and I want to take it a step further.

Everyone is worried about Trumps win legitimizing hatred etc.  But in my opinion it gives us a chance to stand up and say “enough!”.  Who cares what the president or those in power say.  If it’s not right; stand up and speak your voice!  

It has never been ok to hate people for their views, the color of their skin or their sexual preference.  Whether we are “right” or not.  It’s not ok to bully people into feeling like they can’t say how they feel. 

The polls were way wrong because Trump supporters were scared.  This isn’t any better than people being scared for any other reason.  

We need to stop forcing our beliefs on others, making others feel bad, and realize that which we hate is a reflection of the parts of ourselves we are less than proud of.

We need to stand up against the person in the subway spouting racial slurs, and guide them to a place where they can grow.  At the very least we need to make their victims know they are not alone, and be glad we don’t live in the attackers head.

I know this is making a complex problem simple.  But if we step back from our anger and our ego and come from a place of love, isn’t that much more powerful, than screaming our point to the person screaming theirs?!  

I’m not saying you have to agree, but listen.  Understand what they are really saying, without waiting for your chance to anialate them verbally.  

Energy


I loved this.  It’s true. When my divorce happened I lost everything and found myself.  Why?  Because I realized that all my “things” and labels weren’t me.  I was still myself without all of them. In fact, I was a better version of me.  A lighter version.

That’s not to say I’ve mastered every aspect.  I struggled immensely with the idea that my ex was the designated custodian because he filed divorce before me.  But then I realized, I still AM my kids mom.  In their eyes it made no difference.  

In WA that designation really just says who can get welfare for the kids.  Other than that it means nothing.

So this is true.  If you are feeling weighed down with labels and stuff, let it go.  Detach yourself from it.  Realize you are so much more.  Once you do I promise you won’t be limited any longer.  

One fun exercise is to unlabel things.  Instead of a trash can, call it the eliminator of toxic items.  Instead of your car, call it the liberator of exercising.  Have fun. Be ridiculous.  Because let’s face it.  Being defined by labels, is pretty ridiculous as it is.