I said this once to make myself feel better. My fiancé felt worse. So let me clarify. Home is where the parent is. And in my case my kids have two homes. I refuse to make them feel like they are visiting their dad.
When we first divorced I realized how fragile my “mom title” was. If my ex wanted to hurt me, that was the button he pushed. So that saying really did help, but it has evolved to where I am now.
Over time I realized, my kids think I’m crazy when I feel less than, due to the divorce. As long as they are getting to sports and friends, they don’t care. They don’t want to be with either of us 100% of the time.
I’m in no way saying that our divorce didn’t affect them, I’m saying, I think we actually did something right because they truly seem unphased. I’ve taken them to therapy to be sure 🤣.
But what it comes down to is, parents are parents whether they are elbow deep in diapers, or sitting at happy hour.
As a society, we have placed so much shame and guilt on divorced parents that it’s ridiculous. I’ve had people guilt me because I started dating. “Shouldn’t you be there for your kids more?!” Uh… they are with their dad….
So here’s my proposal. Anyone who judges needs to make sure they have never gotten a babysitter, never gotten away for an adult night and has never hid in the bathroom repeatedly counting to 10.
If you can honestly say no to all this, then please come and watch my kids and dogs (I have 3 of each)so I can escape for a bit, because you are a better person than I am.
As for me, I refuse to live with guilt and shame because I couldn’t make it work with my kids dad. I do not place blame on either of us (most of the time). It didn’t work. And it’s not up to anyone else to judge whether we tried hard enough. I know we did. The kids are fine, and that’s all that matters.