I’ve come to the conclusion that while society likes to package grief in to a 7 step program, it’s really a crazy long game of shutes and ladders.
One week you think you are cruising right along to the finish line and then BAM! a commercial makes you realize you rolled the number to the space that sets you back down the shire to the beginning, to a previous stage. Or you think about it and realize you totally climbed the ladder past a stage, and yet you are ok.
Realizing this made me feel normal. And also allowed me to see how bad society is at dealing with those who are grieving. Society wants a neat little package that is done after a socially acceptable 3 months.
My friends were so worried that I wasn’t progressing the way they thought I should. And when I was really upset at her 2nd anniversary, they were really confused. Shouldn’t I be past all that?
Time has made it clear for me. As much as society like boxes and logic, emotions don’t give a shit. They will come and go as they please, and you are their bitch until they decide you aren’t. When society realizes this things will be easier.
Societal demands really did make the grief harder. Being made to feel like a robot, or a cry baby was miserable. Being told to feel bad for my sister because she was younger and pregnant made me angry. Basically, people tried go force me in to that box because they were uncomfortable with what I was dealing with.
Once you realize all this, and stop fighting, you see it’s ok, and just go with the flow. The emotions come and go more gently. But seeing this in the midst of the storm is almost impossible.
Hitting a ladder also gives you an opportunity to hit a slide. Regardless, this life we are given, is really fun and exciting.
So, if you are struggling, feel free to rant in the comments. I won’t judge you for staying in bed for a week, or for fully reorganizing your garage for the 3rd time since life threw you a curve ball that is threatening to destroy you. I won’t think less of you for keeping something from a dead loved one that you feel others will judge you for.
I hear you. I see you. (I’ll probably cry with you)