Over thinking

So every few months my ex likes to freak the kids out by looking at homes outside their school zone.  This gets them super upset and puts me on high alert mode.  His address is used for school zone based on the hours we work.  I work really early, he works later.  When we divorced, it never occurred to me this would matter.  Naive…..

This freak out session always leaves me wishing I had tougher it out until the kids were older.  That I had somehow worked some miracle so that their lives wouldn’t be so difficult.  

Today timehop gave me the gift of reality.  It had a picture of me 5 years ago where I look beyond exhausted.  My eyes look dead, I’m wrinkled and I look like the 50 year old version of my 34 year old self.  At the time it was a wake up call, and looking back it still is. 

I can’t stop him from freaking them out.  But legally he can’t change their schools without my permission. Given his work hours, he also depends on me to get them to practices etc on his days.  So moving far really isn’t in the cards.  Add in his work is in their school district and you get the idea… 

But between the picture, a slide show on exhausted moms and the meme above it’s made me realize….I couldn’t have toughed it out.  I don’t know what would have happened had I tried.

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