What to do


So after getting back in to the swing of things at work, it’s clear that it’s not where I want to be.  I can totally do the job, but it’s defiantly not in my big picture.  The old annoyances and the pettiness is creeping back in.  What I was able to over look while excited for my wedding and honeymoon is now coming back and it’s clear I need a change. 

I would love to write full time, and I’d love a gig that incorporated writing and researching.  Let me be creative and grow my interests (there are many).  

But mostly I want a place where I can use all the lessons I’ve learned so that they aren’t in vein.  

While the honeymoon helped me see I love my life, I really see that I can’t become complacent and stay happy.  My life goes best when I’m writing out my thoughts.

I keep coming across articles on how to make blogging work for you.  I really need to seriously try.  No more half adding it.  No more getting on and off the wagon.  So.  I’m going to post this, then really put a plan in place to get myself on track.  Any advice is welcome 🙂

Grief


The 3rd anniversary of my mothers death is next week, and it’s made me think a lot about grief. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that while society likes to package grief in to a 7 step program, it’s really a crazy long game of shutes and ladders.

One week you think you are cruising right along to the finish line and then BAM! a commercial makes you realize you rolled the number to the space that sets you back up the ladder to a previous stage. Or you think about it and realize you totally slide past a stage, and yet you are ok. 

Realizing this made me feel normal.  

My friends were so worried that I wasn’t progressing the way they thought I should.  And when I was really upset at her 2nd anniversary, they were really confused.  Shouldn’t I be past all that?

Time has made it clear for me.  As much as society like boxes and logic, emotions don’t give a shit.  They will come and go as they please, and you are their bitch.  When society realizes this things will be easier.

Societal demands really did make the grief harder.  Being made to feel like a robot, or a cry baby was miserable.  Being told to feel bad for my sister because she was younger and pregnant made me angry.  Basically, people tried go force me in to that box because they were uncomfortable with what I was dealing with. 

Once you realize all this, and stop fighting, you realize it’s ok, and just go with the flow.  The emotions come and go more gently.  Hitting a ladder also gives you an opportunity to hit a slide.  Regardless, this life we are given, is really fun and exciting.