Realization


I took a step back from all the spiritual stuff I was doing.  I felt that I was starting to take on too much and was missing the big picture.  Since stepping back, I’ve kept notes and realized a lot.

Writing these daily blogs seemed to help the most of everything I was doing.  When I stopped writing, everything else seemed to sort of slow down as well.

The mantras and prayer beads seemed to make me feel more crazy than spiritual.  Meditating though gives me lessons quickly and clearly.  

I’ve learned that my love vs money block is really more of “I don’t need no man” block, from an ancestor.  That I can make it all on my own and need no one else’s help.  This clearly blocks any sort of receiving.  

I’m letting this all go and am going to try to get back to daily writing.  Organizing the realizations that come to me.

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Surrender/believe


I don’t know about you, but sometimes I’m guilty of overdoing it.  If life isn’t going the way I think, I pray, sage, meditate, do yoga, run and walk and drink water.  If some is good, more is better. Right?

Well, sure…. to a point.  It’s good to meditate and exercise regularly, but if you find yourself cutting out things you enjoy to make sure you cover every possible modality to improve your luck, you may be over doing it.  And worse, you are so focused on the “bad luck” you probably aren’t getting the most out of them.

It took me a bit, but I realized why work was bothering me so much.  I kept complaining about how much work we were doing on collections, without giving any time for checks to actually be mailed and clean up credits to be done.  There was so much emphasis on doing, that it created more work and rework.  

This was mirrored in my life in my frantic practice of sprituality.  Sounds ridiculous right?  Yet that’s exactly what was happening.  It started out innocently.  Donating, cleaning, researching.  But then it morphed in to an obsession.  I’d wake in the middle of the night realizing I’d forgotten to tap, or throw out the bowl of salt I’d left out to a absorb negativity.  

Guess what?  I was driving myself insane. I became more and more grumpy.  More frustrated when things didn’t go my way or how I had prayed.  

It came to me recently in a discussion with a group member.  I need to surrender.  It was then I realized… surrendering to the universe is similar to the message I have been receiving, which is “believe”.  I need to believe in me, that people want to help, and that everything will happen in time. 

I’ve done the leg work.  Now it’s time to do up keep, but mostly, enjoy the clarity that has come with all the spiritual and energy work.  Over doing spirituality is the same as under doing it.  It takes your focus out of the present moment. 

Believe, breathe and be.

Bullys

I just watched this video by Kristen Kusmic and I want to take it a step further.

Everyone is worried about Trumps win legitimizing hatred etc.  But in my opinion it gives us a chance to stand up and say “enough!”.  Who cares what the president or those in power say.  If it’s not right; stand up and speak your voice!  

It has never been ok to hate people for their views, the color of their skin or their sexual preference.  Whether we are “right” or not.  It’s not ok to bully people into feeling like they can’t say how they feel. 

The polls were way wrong because Trump supporters were scared.  This isn’t any better than people being scared for any other reason.  

We need to stop forcing our beliefs on others, making others feel bad, and realize that which we hate is a reflection of the parts of ourselves we are less than proud of.

We need to stand up against the person in the subway spouting racial slurs, and guide them to a place where they can grow.  At the very least we need to make their victims know they are not alone, and be glad we don’t live in the attackers head.

I know this is making a complex problem simple.  But if we step back from our anger and our ego and come from a place of love, isn’t that much more powerful, than screaming our point to the person screaming theirs?!  

I’m not saying you have to agree, but listen.  Understand what they are really saying, without waiting for your chance to anialate them verbally.  

Energy


I loved this.  It’s true. When my divorce happened I lost everything and found myself.  Why?  Because I realized that all my “things” and labels weren’t me.  I was still myself without all of them. In fact, I was a better version of me.  A lighter version.

That’s not to say I’ve mastered every aspect.  I struggled immensely with the idea that my ex was the designated custodian because he filed divorce before me.  But then I realized, I still AM my kids mom.  In their eyes it made no difference.  

In WA that designation really just says who can get welfare for the kids.  Other than that it means nothing.

So this is true.  If you are feeling weighed down with labels and stuff, let it go.  Detach yourself from it.  Realize you are so much more.  Once you do I promise you won’t be limited any longer.  

One fun exercise is to unlabel things.  Instead of a trash can, call it the eliminator of toxic items.  Instead of your car, call it the liberator of exercising.  Have fun. Be ridiculous.  Because let’s face it.  Being defined by labels, is pretty ridiculous as it is.

Soul mate


This big goofy mug makes my soul smile. He drives me insane, embarrasses me on walks when he sees another dog and has pulled my shoulder out of socket.  He has also cost me a ton of money in food and vet bills.  But ya know what? I wouldn’t trade it. 

I also share him with my ex.  I refuse to give him up.  He is one of the kids.  He travels with them.  

Someone asked what I was thankful for today in one of my groups and I posted him.  My kids are an obvious, plus I don’t post their pics.  But this guy.  

Few times in your live does an animal bind with you.  I’ve had him, and my cat CJ. Both will go down in my animal hall of fame. 

What you resist persists—Eckhart Tolle

I’m not sure if he was the first to say it, but that’s who I remember saying it, and where it finally made sense.

If you wake up saying “what fresh hell will today bring”. The universe will gladly show you.  “How much more insane can xyz person be?”  The universe will show you.

Resistance is a form of force.  It takes a lot of energy.  The universe is annoyingly literal.  It’s like Sheldon, it doesn’t grasp sarcasm.

So… instead, think of manifesting like moving your hand.  Your mind sends impulses that tell your nervous system to move your hand.  Voila!  Your hand moves.  You don’t sarcastically tell your hand to move and expect your foot to.  Manifesting isn’t any different.

We tend to be “cautious” when we really want something.  Not wanting to get our hopes up.  But that tells the universe we aren’t really into whatever “it” is.  We are like that guy you met online,who’s not responding, but seemed totally in to the date.  Mixed signals.  So you know what?  Grow a pair and be excited.

Don’t worry about all the details, those will fall in place.  See yourself in that new job, see yourself in that new relationship.  See yourself happy…. that’s the key.  If you are happy, yo are so much more valuable to the universe.  Be happy and excited, and it will all fall in to place.

Otherwise you are no better than Mr Wishy Washy. 

What if instead of thinking we can fortell the future, we realize we are manifesting it with our thoughts?  So if we predict things will go well they will!  Instead of trying to predict they won’t go our way, then living that self fulfilling profecy.  

Time Outs


I’ve been working hard at raising my vibe, staying positive, helping others and really keeping myself from the negative habits I fall in to on occasion.

I reached a point in my newest book where I have daily assignments.  And this is perfect.  It means I HAVE to slow down and just reflect. And I’m going to take this time to let the dust settle.

I’ve realized one of my biggest frustrations at work is how much they push push push for answers, which means no time to just let things settle.  Lots of work exerted when if they’d allow a little more flow, things would fall in to place. I’ve realized I’m doing this in my spiritual practice.  

I’m reading everything I can get my hands on, without taking the time to really let the lessons sink in.  While I’m making great strides, I think slowing down is necessary.  Like at my work, if I just let things flow a little more, the road will be less rocky.

So this next ten days, I’m going to sit back and read my “Cat Who” books and relax.  I have a few exciting changes coming (fingers crossed), and I’m going to just keep my vibe high, rather than try to play psychic manifester making it happen. 

Believe


The message “Believe in yourself” has been coming through loud and clear lately. 

I realized a few months ago that my self esteem had not quite kept up with the giant leaps forward my life had taken since my divorce. All good things were happening, but my self empowerment was weak, because I didn’t feel good about myself.  I felt unlovable.

Now to be clear, I didn’t feel unlovable with family, friends or my fianc√©.  But at work I was being taken advantage of and I was miserable.  I was so down I couldn’t even write a resume for myself.  And the one I did write was pretty weak.  

When I meet with people I make an amazing impression, by I just couldn’t write the resume that got me the interview. 

A friend of mine recently left his job to go back to school, and recommended me for the position.  I just had my second interview and I’m praying I get the job.

Last night I had a dream where I was there, at my desk.  I knew I was dreaming, but I also knew at that moment, it wasn’t a dream, I was there.

Today I’m burning sage, did a salt burn in a part of my house that kept coming to mind as needing it, and I’ve mopped the floors.  Fingers and toes crossed. 

But the fact is, I’ve already been given a big gift.  I see myself as deserving, and can now take the steps to improve my resume and get the interviews for the job that is perfect for me!

Tears are a great form of detox


I have had a rough couple weeks.  Balling at work.  Not a tear prettily running down my cheek…. oh no…. hiccup crying…. ugly crying.  Why?  Because my boss is an asshole.

Now I love this man as a person.  I love the vision and am proud of what he’s done.  I’m proud of the charitable acts he’s done.  But when it comes to his employees…. he sucks.  

I asked for a raise.  Told me he couldn’t afford it, then hired someone to do some of my job at double my salary.  Not even the hard parts.  That person was a man…..  granted he’s now been fired… but that’s not the point.

I’ve realized that I accept “gifts” from the universe openly on things my mom used to help me with.  Relationships, real estate… friends.  But she never helped me with jobs.  Other than to tell my my dream jobs wouldn’t make much, she never asked a friend to help, never told me to go after my dreams, pushed me to get a job that got me off her balance sheet, regardless of how shitty the job was.

Now, I’m not blaming her.  From that, I learned to hustle and work my ass off. I didn’t feel entitled to promotions, or good jobs.  That shit was EARNED!!! But, it made me a people pleaser.  Which people like my boss take advantage off.

I’ve come to realize that I block help when itt comes to my career, and I’ve taken steps to stop that.  I’ve asked for referrals, I’ve used people as references and I have a second interview that is very promising.  I’m making progress.

But now that my eyes are open, I can’t handle this shit at work.  I can’t tolerate it anymore.  I’ve kept a stiff upper lip too long and the facade is cracking.  It may be too late, because now I seem insane.  But what the hell. Anything is better than having to meditate just to force yourself out of your car.

I am deserving 


I’m working on this.  It’s been about 6 years since I realized I lost my muchiness.  In that time, I’ve turned my life upside down.  And now I have one last step.  A new job.

I have an interview next week and I have a foot in the door.  My inner critic keeps coming up with the lamest excuses why this won’t work out. All of them are just stupid and clearly my ego worrying about failure.

But my friend is the one who referred me to his former job (he is going back to school).  He has no doubt I’ll be great at this job.  That it will be a perfect fit.

So ya know what?  I’m gonna shut up, and get out of my way.  Life isn’t meant to be lived paycheck to paycheck.  I haven’t had a raise in 5 years.  I deserve this.